Dean's World

Lies, vicious lies

Andrew Cory

I'll never trust Slate again:

After passing a background check and receiving their mall assignment, Noerr Santas receive a list of dos and don'ts. Breaking character is a no-no.

I showed up to mall wearing all black and had chains dangling out of my pockets. On a whim, I asked if they needed an elf. 20 minutes later I was in the chair with a kid on my lap.

Ho Ho Ho

I had a lot of fun those 2 years...

Posted by Andrew Cory | Permalink | Technorati Trackbacks

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CaliforniaJOSH:

So Andrew... did you enjoy having little boys on your lap?

(snicker)

12.17.2007 7:49pm

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Andrew Cory (mail) (www):

That's, um, not at all funny.

12.17.2007 7:50pm

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Kevin D (mail) (www):

Man, why you got that belt up around your nipples? What's with that?

12.17.2007 7:59pm

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RyanR (www):

He's playing an old man. Old men wear their pants really high. He was in character.

12.17.2007 8:06pm

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Andrew Cory (mail) (www):

Old man? They told me that's how kids were wearing their pants these days. Oh was I lied to...

12.17.2007 8:37pm

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CaliforniaJOSH:

Santa, if you really traveled to every child's home, or actually to just 50% of the children's homes, wouldn't you burn up in the atmosphere because of friction when you consider the amount of velocity required to cover such a large area in such a short time, even when taking the timezone differences into account? Do you utilize faster than light travel that allows you to bend or fold space to accomplish your mission? Why don't you release the technology to the United Nations so we can explore other worlds? Did communist children get presents from Santa back in the days of the Soviet Union? Does Santa employ illegal migrant workers? What are the labor laws utilized at the north pole? Do your elves get paid overtime or flextime? Do you discriminate against large individuals who apply for elf jobs? Do you have a problem with your laborers abusing meth amphetamine? What are the health plan benefits for working for you?

Santa, why are you kicking me off of your lap?

12.17.2007 9:19pm

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Mike (mail):

You were warmer than I was when I rang the bell for the Salvation Army kettles for my Kiwanis Club(s).

12.17.2007 10:12pm

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CaliforniaJOSH:

Santa on Dec 26th.

Disclaimer: Barely safe for work.

12.18.2007 3:53am

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Thomas Emery:

In my day, Santa OBEYED the laws of physics. These kids today...

12.18.2007 11:33am

Commenting on Dean's World is a privilege, not a right. Dean is your host, you are his guest, and you should behave in that fashion. Dean is not your babysitter, nor is he your punching bag. Please remember this. In general, you are free to disagree with anyone on any subject you wish, but abusive behavior will not be tolerated.

Of course we all lose our tempers now and then. Dean freely admits to being imperfect in this regard, which is why regulars to this establishment will generally be cut more slack than people who we don't know very well.

Still: behave like an adult, or go find somewhere else to play. Thanks.