Dean's World

Ann Arbor, February 2005 CE

She’d switched to a new hotel when she came back in January. “To avoid attracting too much attention,” she said. I didn’t think much about it, but I did notice that we had some trouble working together. The first few days, whenever I’d ask her a direct question, she seemed agitated, and she’d find a way to change the subject whenever we got to anything that seemed important. She acted like she wanted to talk about anything but herself. She’d chat about the weather, or the hotel staff, or business, or the technical issues in writing and organizing a book, or philosophy, or even about me. Her insights on politics and philosophy were especially interesting to me, and she was very seductive that way. More than once I went home after a day of very pleasant and entertaining conversation only to realize we really hadn’t gotten any work done.

At first I figured she was paying, so we’d talk about whatever she wanted. But finally I decided I’d better ask her about it. When hinting a few times didn’t work I just asked her flat out: “We really aren’t getting anywhere on the project. Is there a reason?”

She looked at me blankly for a moment, started to speak, then stopped. “You’re right,” she finally said. “I’ve been having conflicts with my family in Pennsylvania, and I’ve wanted to distract myself from stressful conversations. Talking about myself doesn’t come naturally to me, and it’s especially difficult in these circumstances.”

“Well, we don’t have to…” I started, but she gestured gently with her hand. We both knew she didn’t have to do this if she didn’t want to.

“I suppose you should know that I have been telling you things I have very rarely told anyone. In some cases things I’ve never told anyone, not even… well, not anyone.”

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Please be advised- some may find what follows to be very disturbing.
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