Dean's World

I think that quote is a bit of an exaggeration for a modern American man.

A modern American, hell, most American men from most ages in our history could be both family man and community man and a protector of his own family and his neighbors. In most ages he had to be.

He could take a gun and/or his own courage and defend himself and his own and his friends (unless he was a slave or prevented for some other reason beyond his control).

So an American man doesn't have to be either/or, and hopefully most men in the world will one day reach this capability. Live in a place where they can be both father and risk-taking defender of what is right, and feel no conflict, or fear, in either role.

But I agree with you, I think the overall sentiment about ordinary, family, day-to-day responsibility is a good one. And day to day fights can be just as draining in their own way as a gunfight or a manhunt. Just in a different way. And the rewards are different too. Maybe not as exciting or terrifying, but long term, every bit at least as satisfying and in many respects far more intimate and personal in value.

The memories of the lives you save, and the wrong you prevent, are good ones and stay with you, they make good stories to tell your visiting grandchildren, but the children you raise actually are with you and grow as you do and give joy and change and yet remain in some ways unchanged as long as you, and they, live. It ain't necessarily easy being a good father, but then again nothing easy is ever worth much anyway. So it can be hard to father a child and build a home but those things will also yield dividends without real end if you do your best as a man.

So that's a pretty good deal if you ask me.

I guess you've never been there.

Being a Modern American Man and all.

That's what I'm saying.

There are places in the world where that applied, and plenty where it still does, but not here, and to us.

We don't have to choose to be either/or.

Unfortunately that's not true of all men, so I see his larger point. In some places men lack the freedom to be defenders of themselves and their neighbors.

I can't say as I really know what that feels like, and I have to admit, it goes against my natural instincts and my rural American upbringing (where it was not only assumed men would defend others when necessary, it was just naturally expected as part of being a man - it was your job in being a man), but I have seen it.

I guess that's one reason I don't mind us fighting for the liberties of others in other places in the world. I don't particularly think any man should feel so hopeless, weak, defenseless or his duties and capabilties so beyond his own control that he thinks of himself as either father/family man, or protector and peacekeeper.

If necessary he should feel free and confident to be both.

I think you may be misunderstanding what I'm saying. Or I suspect speaking about a different, and far more personal issue.

I work. Sometimes seven days a week. But what I'm saying is that as an American you're not forced to choose between being a family man/worker/provider, which I am by the way, and a man who is also capable of protecting his family and friends and neighbors.

I'm not for being an outlaw bandit either (I've often hunted such fellas) or a selfish womanizer, but that's not necessary to be a man who protects those around them.

It's admiral to work (it's far better than not working that's for sure and I don't like the idea of the idle rich - I don't know any idle rich by the way, but I don't like the idea generally speaking), and it's often even admirable to work at things you don't particularly enjoy or may even disdain so that others may prosper from your labor (I've hardly enjoyed everything I've ever done in the past, and sometimes now I'm not exactly thrilled of what is asked of me - I've become a fiction writer and it took me years to get over the personal distaste of that idea) but those things don't prevent us from doing other things either, like fighting for a cause worth fighting for. Maybe not strapped in body armor overseas, but maybe at some local thing that's important to the people around you.

What I'm saying is it's not either work, or fight. Job or cause. Depending on personal circumstances it can easily be both. Sometimes it should naturally be both.

But if you don't like your job then (I would never irresponsible say, "well just quit just because you hate it," doing what you hate because others depend upon you is good for you from time to time - builds character and discipline) fish around for what you most enjoy and feel is your most natural virtue(s) and pursue that too as circumstances allow. Eventually that kinda thing might just lead to something else that is far more profitable to you. Because I have a personal theory based upon my own experience and the experience of those I've seen that men who pursue what they most enjoy usually end up profiting more, even or maybe even especially, financially, than men who always settle for what they don't like.

So personally I'd say take the risk, as your personal situation allows, to pursue those things you most enjoy and try to find a way to get people to pay you for that. Go about it responsibly but don't fear risk and don't avoid it. Risk what you are least certain of to achieve what you want most. Don't settle forever for what dissatisfies you because then those around you will share in your unhappiness rather than in your accomplishments. I'm not saying, "don't work, doing nothing will make you more happy." I'm saying work at what makes you happy and at what you can truly prosper at. Work to me, work you feel is good and important, is every bit as satisfying to a man as his family and friends. In a different way of course, but work should feel like something you do because you love her and feel driven to prosper, both for your sake and her sake. So I say chase her down like you're chasing down a woman worth pursuing. You might not catch her on the first run you take, but keep at it. If she feels like being caught, and you feel like catching her, you will.

And the world probably won't change in your favor overnight either but (poco a poco) little by little fills the bucket. And at times you'll still have to do things that for one reason or another make you queasy (for me it's writing fiction, though I'm getting over that pretty much) but with time and effort you can get there. I can't tell ya exactly how of course, that's for you to figure out, but you strike me as certainly bright enough and capable enough to get what you want if you go after it with patience and determination. Pray about it, make a goal, think it out, get advice from people who know more than you about whatever you're attempting (and somebody else always does know more), and pursue what you feel is most natural and true to you. God will make some kinda way if you're sincere and keep at it. Because God wants you doing what is not only most valuable to you, but what makes you most valuable to the rest of the world. As a matter of fact dissatisfaction is the first step on the road to happiness (and I'd hardly discount these feelings you're having as some kinda divine message to you), if you don't allow it to degenerate into hopelessness or bitterness (though anger is good, righteous anger will carry a man a helluvah long ways if he lets it). So turn that dissatisfaction into a cause worth conquering and a fight worth fighting. Nothing is impossible to the determined man.

Godspeed with that then.